Literally I've been treading water trying to stay on top of everything and trying to keep a good attitude throught it all, and I'm not gonna lie it was hard! It was hard to smile and be joyful when all I felt was pressure, stress and burdens.
To not complain when it seemed like everyday the teachers just kept pilling even more homework onto my already unreasonable load.
To put God first above everything even when I felt like I had no time to spare for God, there was too much to do and i was gonna have to stay up half the night just to get it all done.
To stop to enjoy my friendships & the beautiful moments of life even when my head was swirling. (it was hard not to ignore my friends when my to-do list was ten feet long)
To trust God that he would give me the strength to complete everything
To see that the end was near and there was light at the tunnel.
Yes all of these things were VERY hard to do! When you in the middle of a trial or overwhelming situation it's hard to look up, out! It's so easy to get caught up in yourself, and to start to throw yourself a little pity party. To sit there and sulk, to complain about all the homework, to complain to your friends about how much you have to do and how unreasonable people are being, to get frustrated with people who are not doing what you want! and quiet frankly its easiest to simply give up and despair.But that was my problem, I was getting so self-absorbed. I was completely self-focused and ONLY thinking about me! I started to ignore my friends, to push God to the side, and only care about myself!
As much as I hate to admit messing up like that, that's how I learned and how God taught me.
He showed me that it's not all about me (shocking I know)! That my friends were in the same boat as me and instead of tearing them down and tempting them to join in my complaining/selfish/pityparty I needed to look to see how I could encourage and help them instead! To uplift them and help to brighten their day and show them God's love when they needed it!
I also realized that even the most mundane task like taking a quiz is something that God has given me to do, and everything he has given me to do is important. I need to work hard and pursue excellence and do everything for God's glory, to do my best to bring him honor and praise!
I also learned that God pours out so much grace and strength on us! Seeing all that God has allowed me to accomplish and get done even when I was freaking out about it all, is so amazing and I know it is only because of his strength, because on my own I couldn't have done it! This verse has really come alive to me!
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then I am content with insult, hardship, persecutions, calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Sometimes this mess in life is the gift that God uses to bring me closer to him. He is enough for me and during these crazy days it is God alone who carries me, and because he carries me alone, only he can receive he glory and all my praise and thankfulness! Today I know deep down that the hard seasons don't minimize God, but they magnify His goodness. Here is where I learn to know Him more.
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